Were I to be a genre, drama would be it!

The monster of modern times.

"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."

I woke up and read this quote in my tumblr, and it could not have been more appropriate.

The monster of modern times is productivity. Contemplation and rest make us feel lazy, insufficient, ungrateful for the gift of life…

What do you do? I keep myself busy, all the time. This is the best way to avoid thinking about all the issues that come to mind. I tell them “later”, but later never comes by, because my thinking is not as important as my constant movement up and down, working working, doing things.

The result is stress. We know we are doing our best, and it still does not feel like enough. 

Others judge who we are by what we do, and the image they have is not necessarily the one we see reflected in our mirror.

There are bad hair days and there are bad productive days. Why do I feel so guilty for needing to rest?

Blah, let’s get back to work. Life doesn’t wait, and I don’t want to get run over…

Tati

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Lost in transition…

I miss writing. I miss reading for pleasure. I miss the project I barely started, and which I have failed to keep up with already. So simple, and yet - so difficult: 15 minutes a day to exercise my creativity. Nonetheless, lately I have been working so hard it just feels like I have no time for myself. And I have that constant feeling that life is passing me by. I am missing the train, the boat, and the bus…. I feel lost in transition.

College will be done soon. 12 weeks to be more exact… but who’s counting? As I try to catch my breath and finish my Capstone, I wonder what life will be like when I am done with school. How will I keep myself occupied? Will I finally read the books I have on my shelves? Will I watch movies, take up dancing lessons and play the keyboard with my awesome teacher Claudia?

I do not know what the future holds. I feel that many things will change in these 12 weeks, and I am scared. But also hopefully wishing that pieces will fall into place, as they must.

I have been blessed to get this far in my program, and to develop so many meaningful memories in the US. I am so grateful for my life, for my family, for my friends, and for this opportunity. 

I feel like life in your late 20’s is a constant dance between memories of what “has been” and hopes of what can “still be”. I feel nostalgic about my past, and as if the canvas was blank for me to paint a picture of my future right now.

Does anyone out there have brushes and paint? Come join me! The picture is more meaningful when you are in it.

Aos amigos e familiares: reflexões dos 29, ou pré-30.

Quanto mais aniversários celebro, mais eu percebo que o tempo voa. No entanto, a vida se parece mais e mais com uma repetição de fatos: acorda, trabalha, dorme, paga conta, cozinha, come, dorme, assiste TV, vê os amigos, volta para casa, dorme, fala com a família, trabalha…

Alguns cabelos brancos depois, percebo que chegar aos 29 é uma benção. Fico feliz por saber que toquei a história de tantas pessoas, e por saber que sou amada por tantos familiares e amigos. 

Amor é construção. A gente planta a semente, rega, e espera que os frutos vinguem. As estações passam, e às vezes o inverno é longo, mas os frutos que são genuínos e tem raízes fortes sempre crescem e trazem o gosto doce de lembranças que colocamos em fotos na parede da memória. 

Há tanto sobre a vida que jamais poderei capturar, mas sei que estou viva e que amo. Amo tentar e falhar e continuar tentando. Amo que Deus me dê repetidas oportunidades de acertar e ser uma pessoa melhor. Amo acordar e saber que todo dia é repleto de possibilidades - seja segunda ou sexta-feira. Amigos Garfield, me perdoem! Eu gosto de segundas-feiras.

Amo vocês que me acompanham e torcem por mim e meu sucesso. 

Eu fico emocionada por saber que não cheguei onde achei que estaria nos meus pré-30. Não tenho a casa, a vida, o carro, e as crianças. Não tenho uma vida certa e calculada. Na verdade, tenho em mim todas as incertezas do mundo! Mas tenho felicidade, disposição e sonhos. Tenho também a certeza que fiz meu melhor, que construí memórias inesquecíveis e que conheci pessoas inesquecíveis. 

Sou grata, porque ao viver 29 anos descobri que a vida é um constante sonhar e concretizar, e cair e andar, e constantemente lembrar que podemos sim ser melhores. Em tudo. E ser, meus queridos, é tão mais gratificante do que ter. Lição que reaprendo todos os dias. 

Sendo eu aprendo. E aprender me dá esperanças renovadas - que cada dia do ano, e que cada dia da vida saiba que a dádiva de respirar é maior do que qualquer sofrimento que passamos.

Um beijo especial a todos que me desejaram votos de felicidade nessa data querida. Que a vida de vocês seja inundada de memórias boas também!

Tati

O inferno sao os outros

Fala o que quer, ouve o que nao quer. Simples assim. Cultura ingrata. A gente se adapta ate certo ponto, o resto e amargor e ressentimento.

Dança Outonal

Parece que a natureza tem um jeito único de conversar com a gente. Quando o vento bate nas folhas de outono, e elas caem cantando pelo chão afora, eu sinto que Deus está suspirando no meu ouvido.

Ele me diz que a vida é esse momento, e que a natureza também sofre. Isso não a impede de se expor diariamente, sem medo. Por que deveria eu temer?

A realidade é que cabe a cada um de nós abrirmos a alma para a beleza da imagem que se revela única a cada abrir de olhos. 

A natureza se renova, se resguarda e se mostra em danças tão imprevisíveis que eu me emociono. Penso que eu também estou perdendo folhas para encarar mais um inverno de céu nublado.

Ansiosa, espero pelo sol que já se mostra tímido - ausente.

When you know you can but something tells you otherwise

I have been working on the same project for over two weeks now. The more I sit down and try to write, the more unmotivated I feel. I am burned out to even think I have to think about this subject - and honest to my heart - I am scared: to fail. Strategic Planning requires a holistic view I wish I had, or at least a team of people who have different points of view and who can help make it a plan worth reading. 

The big “F” haunts me. As I slowly fall into my own despair, I wonder if I can finish this once and for all. And be free - to breath, walk, run, and do whatever I wish. When I am not overwhelmed, I feel like doing more than just sleeping. I feel like being alive.

The sunset of my dreams

For the longest time I postponed watching sunsets. I thought they’d be a luxury of my retirement, along with savoring the thick classics I have never had the time or chance to read. Today I realize sunsets cry out for my attention, and I take them for granted. Life lesson learned: don’t delay the happy. Admire the beauty of the sunset today. Not in 20 or so years. 

I blinked and it was Friday…

My perception of time has changed greatly over the years. A couple of years ago I had promised myself that for a week I wouldn’t say I was tired or busy. Both those claims were potentially not communicating the fact I was grateful for being alive and productive. Also, both those claims gave me an excuse not to reach out to those I loved and do things that mattered to me. I realize today they were excuses, because you can always make room for what matters. You should always make room for what matters.
Today I want to commit to the same ideal: no tiredness or busy schedules. I am productive and alive! Seizing the moment is what makes it go by so fast.  Maybe that’s why my calendar says it’s Friday, and I barely realized another week passed me by.
Are you making room for what matters to you? Or is time holding you hostage?

Studying with the wise

What I most love about studying at the library is the scent of books… and the feeling that the wisdom of all these scholars, writers, polyglots, researchers and others might end up rubbing off on me!